Memo from the Office of Job Placement

So I have had some pretty good break up lines administered to me in the past, but lines for me to stay are few and far between. However, I do have one really good one that makes me laugh to this day.

I used to be cutie cute and of course had no idea. I was seeing a guy who was on the rebound and of course, I didn't care. All I wanted was a fun fling with an honesty challenged attorney. Yes, he had his faults but to give him credit, he was smart and funny, argumentative, great in the sack and he lived around the corner from me, which I thought was great placement. Later I learned, it was not.

I could tell the boy (36 years old) was definitely hiding a few things. What tipped me off was whenever we would go back to his house, his phone would ring non-stop. Then he used the excuse that his contractor was calling him. If you have ever waited for a contractor to call then you know, that you will skip meals, call in sick to work and wait three days to use the bathroom because you're waiting for that call. But as I said, I was younger and really didn't care.

Now, as I said, this guy was a lawyer and well, I had some lawyer acquaintances of my own, one who happened to be looking for work in the same area of practice as the boy. We'll call this friend, Michele and I introduced them to each other and he really had some good ins for her.

So we're hanging out, watching Red Sox games, drinking wine, having great sex while his phone rang 30 times in a row in the background.

Then, one morning, I was done. I was sick of the phone calls and after a few weeks that telephone ring gets annoying. I confronted the situation. What did I care? I really had nothing to lose, except for some good sex and man... I kind of wish I would have gotten one more session in before I left. But, I laid down the law and promptly got out of bed and started getting dressed and told him I was out of there.

Now, at this point, a guy who wants to salvage the relationship might say something like, "No... please... wait, I want to be with you" maybe "I'll deal with the situation" or possibly "Let's talk about it" but oh no, instead this lawyer's argument was, "But Michele needs a job!" It took a few minutes to process and then I realized this was his argument for me to stay. I shook my head laughed to myself and walked out.

I would like to say that this was the end of our relationship but unfortunately, due to my lack of self control, I did see this person again and THEN the relationship ended. Apparently, after I walked out that morning, he did not deal with the situation. I saw him again and while I was walking home from his house a strange woman followed me back to my house in her car. Then... that was the point the relationship ended.

So... please tell me... someone else out there has laughed about an outgoing Hail Mary excuse. And follow up question does anyone else out there have a similar lack of self control? Or am I the only goober in the bunch?